Do you struggle with inappropriate sexual urges?
Inappropriate refers to the following situations:
1. You are in a commited relationship and you experience sexual desire towards some else.
2. You are not in a commited relationship but you experience sexual desire towards:
a) your student
b) an underage person
c) someone who is resisting your sexual advances
d) someone who lacks the mental capacity to understand the situation
e) someone who is in a commited relationship with another
In the Samyutta Nikaya 127 (4) Bhāradvāja, a conversation is reported between King Udena and Ven. Bhāradvāja, an arahant. The king is asking the monk how one controls sexual lust. The monk lists three methods taught by the Buddha:
1. Look upon the person to whom you might feel lust, depending on their age, as your mother or your sister or your daughter (OR as your father, your brother or your son).
2. Do asuba meditation: review the unattractive aspects of the body, not focusing on the beautiful exterior but on what is beneath the skin: blood, mucous, urine, feces, intestines, partially digested food etc.
3. Restraint of the sense faculties. When you have a sensory experience (a sight, a smell, a taste, a sound, a touch sensation, a thought), don't grasp at it's positive or negative signs (eg. "Oh what a beautiful looking person, I want to have sex with them.")